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Relationships

Camilla Sacre-Dallerup's love lessons

The Dancing with the Stars judge and Los Angeles based life coach reveals how really knowing yourself will improve your life.

By Penny Lewis
Most Kiwis know of Camilla Sacre-Dallerup as the glamorous lead judge in Dancing with the Stars, but as Woman's Day revealed last year, Danish-born Camilla's work as a trained life coach, hypnotherapist and mindful living expert in Los Angeles is her starring role, one that's far away from the sequins, sparkles, fake tan and hairspray of the dance floor.
Camilla is more likely to be found wearing no make-up and her hair in a top knot, being still and reflective. This month she launches her third book, It's Not You, It's Me, following on from Strictly Inspirational and Reinvent Me. Her latest offering focuses on self-love and self-care – with a programme to help you find the confidence to love yourself as well as others.
As Camilla explains, "What I see a lot in my practice is somebody comes in after a break-up and they will spend an hour talking about how this person has done that wrong and how they've done this wrong. They will get it all out, and I say, 'OK, however, now it has landed you here.'
"So, can you change that person's behaviour? No. And you can't change anything about what they have done. The only thing you can do at that point is think, 'What can I do for me to feel better now?'"
It's Not You, It's Me uses a series of targeted questions, exercises, tips and techniques, as well as real-life examples, to help recognise and release patterns and blocks in behaviour so that you can move on with your life.
The busy businesswoman has a full diary, seeing clients in person and consulting online, as well as leading workshops and guided meditations.
To make sure she practises what she preaches, the gorgeous star meditates, walks the dog, enjoys her husband Kevin Sacre's cooking or relaxes with a massage.
Camilla, 45, has also power-napped since she was 16. "Meditation is part of my every day, but I also power nap," she tells. "I am such a granny. My perfect schedule is a power nap for 20 minutes in the afternoon."
Cat naps aren't for everyone, but Camilla shares plenty of other ways to help you live your best life. As she explains, "When we truly care about ourselves, we set boundaries in a different way, and we have self-respect and we don't accept certain behaviour."
It's Not You, It's Me by Camilla Sacre-Dallerup (Watkins Media, $32) is available from November 19 in bookstores and from online book retailers.

Self awareness

When we are self-aware, we are able to observe our own feelings, emotions and behaviours. Once we are tuned in, we will become aware of the patterns of behaviours we are repeating and what we would like to change and improve on. I always tell my clients that being aware of an issue is the first step to healing it.
The tricky part is when you are not aware. I like to think of becoming self-aware as waking up. Once you are wide awake to what is working in your life and what isn't, and who you are surrounding yourself with, you will start to make better choices for yourself with a newfound awareness.

Self-love

Once you're fully self-aware and self-accepting, you can truly love yourself, warts and all! And believe me, no-one is perfect! The love you have or don't have for yourself will be reflected in the relationships around you. You will learn how to meet your own needs before you look for someone or something to meet them for you.
I've watched so many of my clients fall in love with themselves and it's the best thing ever – truly life-changing – and I can't wait for you to experience it too!
Watch: Camilla steps out of retirement to dance with Julz Tocker. Article continues below.

Self-acceptance

We can't change a situation we are in or something about ourselves until we acknowledge it and then accept it. When you accept a relationship is over, for example, or that you are in the wrong career, that is the moment you can start the healing journey and make positive changes. Or when you accept that a behaviour or habit is not really working in your favour, you can get to work on how to change it or improve it.

Self-care

This is last but definitely not least. Taking the time to care for yourself says a lot about how you actually value yourself and your self-worth.

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