Judge Jay-Jay's advice on improving your sex life

A problem shared is a problem halved.

This week our resident Agony Aunt Jay-Jay Feeney tackles a couple's lack of intimacy and how to tell a friend that their boyfriend may be cheating..
Hi Jay-Jay,
I've been married for five years and intimacy with my wife was very good at the start of the marriage. But five years later, it's barely happening. Why doesn't my wife like having sex with me?
Matt, via email
Kia ora, Matt!
I don't have much to go on here, but from my own personal experience and what I've learned from talking to my girlfriends over the years, there could be many reasons. Women don't have the same sex drive as men. We simply just don't feel like it as often.
Our hormones play a huge part in our desire for sex. There's our monthly cycle or menopause, which can make sex the last thing on a woman's mind. And – this may be controversial – maybe there's nothing in it for your wife. How long does your sex last? Do you pleasure your wife? Or do you just get on and get it done? Because if you're not giving your wife the attention she needs, she is not going to be interested in you "jumping on" when you want relief.
Women take a bit longer to warm up, so you may need to put a bit more effort in. If she's having a good time, then she will most likely want more of that.
However, since I don't know you or the details of your love life, I can only recommend the most important thing in a relationship – communication! You never know, talking to your wife about your concerns, and asking about hers, could actually save your marriage and reignite the spark.
Happy humping, Jay-Jay
Hi Jay Jay,
I need your advice. My friend Tracey (not her real name) is in a relationship with John. My other friend Donna, who is single, saw John on a dating app. What should we do and say?
Maria, via Instagram
Hi Maria,
Wow! This is tough. Why on earth would John be on a dating app? Do you think their relationship is going well? It's easy to jump to conclusions, but maybe he was on there before meeting Tracey and just forgot to suspend his account?
As awkward as this is, I think Tracey needs to know, so she can bring it up with John herself. Are Tracey and Donna good friends? Because Donna could send Tracey a screenshot of John's profile and explain that while she doesn't want to meddle, she thinks Tracey should know about this. Then it's up to Tracey to find out from John what his story is and decide if she believes him or not.
Like I said, it could be an innocent admin error, so don't go in all guns blazing!
Good luck, Jay-Jay
A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email