Judge Jay-Jay helps a daughter struggling to set boundaries with her mum

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

Mum's the work

Hi Jay-Jay,
Mum has always been a bit selfish and demanding, but she's now in the process of moving into a retirement village and expects me to pack up her house, sort her belongings, donate things, hire a skip etc.
If I don't do it, it won't get done and I am feeling really resentful, but I don't have a choice. This feels like the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm actually quite mad at her. What do I do?
Kate, Auckland
Kia ora, Kate!
I know how stressful family can be, especially when they rely on you alone to help them navigate their life and solve their problems. But I've learned over the years that sometimes you have to stand
up for yourself and put your foot down.
It's harder in a situation like this, when your mum is obviously elderly and wouldn't be able to do this move without help, but there are other options. Firstly, are there other family members? If so, you could delegate jobs to each of them to lighten the load on yourself. I mean, why should it be your responsibility alone?
If the job is too big or overwhelming, or you can't find people to help, I would suggest hiring a moving company to do it all for you. It costs a bit, but if your mum can afford it, hire them to come in, pack the boxes and move everything into storage – even if it just sits there for a while until you feel motivated enough to go through and sort things for your mum.
Unfortunately, this is a job you probably won't be able to avoid altogether, but at least try to get as much help as you can to make it easier for you.
Take care, Jay-JayA problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.

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