My sister’s a money leech!
Hi Jay-Jay,
I have a money dilemma and I can’t get any unbiased advice from my family or friends – please help me! I have a full-time job and earn $90,000 a year. My sister has never worked and is on the benefit. She has three kids to two different men who are both in jail, so she struggles to pay her bills and get the things her kids need. She doesn’t know how much I earn, but she assumes it’s a lot. She is always asking me for money. She sounds so desperate every time and she uses her kids as an excuse, like, “X needs new shoes for school, Y has school camp and I can’t afford it, and Z’s birthday is coming up and I want to throw her a party.” She also asks for money for food, petrol, power etc. I often give it to her because she is always crying on the phone to me and I feel so bad. I know she is probably lying sometimes and just wants the money to buy smokes, but I don’t know how to say no to her. I have given her thousands of dollars over the past couple of years in little increments. I’ve had enough, but when I tell her there is “no more”, she backs off for a couple of weeks and then brings on the tears again. Have you got any advice?
Big Sis, Hawke’s Bay
Hey Sis,
I can totally relate to this! It’s so hard to say no, especially when the waterworks come on. I do cave in and give money sometimes, but I have hardened up over the years and I will say things like, “It’s not a good time right now,” or, “I can’t help you this time. Can you ask someone else?” Even if they don’t, at least they leave me alone for a bit. If you absolutely can’t say no, try giving your sister a stand-down period. Say, “I’ll give you some money now, but don’t ask me again for three months.” Or tell her you can help with some money, but you can only give part of what she is asking. You can also say, “Send me the bill and I will pay it,” or, “What’s her shoe size? I’ll whip out and buy the shoes for her.” That way, you’re in control of how much you are spending on her and you can make sure the money is going where she claims it will.
I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. It sucks. Money has caused many rifts in my family. When I said no recently, one of my siblings packed a sad and blocked me on all social media. But guess what? I don’t care! I can finally get some peace and keep my money for myself! I hope this helps. Best of luck.
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