Judge Jay-Jay delivers her verdict on cheating

More FM radio diva Jay-Jay Feeney delivers her verdict on your biggest dilemmas

Cheat sheet

Hi Jay-Jay,
I've been living with a guilty conscience for a few months now. I cheated on my partner with my workmate. We had a lot of chemistry and it came to a head one afternoon at work. We went into the bathroom and that's when it happened. Since then, my workmate continues to flirt with me, but I've told him we can't get together any more. It was only a one-off, but I feel so guilty about it. I wonder if it's better to just be honest with my partner and tell him what I did? What would you do?
Anon, Auckland
Kia ora, Anon!
I have a feeling I'm going to give you some unpopular advice here. Cheating can be a very unforgiveable sin, so you have to weigh up whether this is worth throwing away your entire relationship for.
The right thing to do would be to confess to your partner. That will relieve you of your guilt and hold up your responsibility of being honest in a relationship.
But how is he going to react? Will he end the relationship or move past it? If he ends the relationship, which he should do, you will continue to feel guilty. If he tries to work on it with you, there will always be an element of suspicion and distrust from here on in.
If you don't tell him, you may be able to get away with it if you never tell anyone else and ensure your work lover keeps the secret too.
But all of this gets very messy if it comes out and there is always a risk of that.
So I'm going to encourage you to confess your sins. You have to. You owe it to your partner. If the guilt is eating you up, it has to be done.
You are going to have to prepare yourself for the possible outcomes. He might dump you and you will have to move out (assuming you live together), or he wants to forgive you and make things work. I would recommend relationship counselling if that happens.
Whatever you decide, it is not going to be fun. But as they say, you made your bed and now you must lie in it.
Good luck, Jay-Jay
A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email wdaynz@aremedia.co.nz.

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