It’s safe to say that my goals for the O Rock obstacle course were relatively unambitious: don’t die, don’t injure yourself, and finish the course. During the 45 minutes it took me to complete the track, I thought I was going to fail to meet all three of those.
Just before our group is due to start, I line up outside the port-a-loos for a final nervous wee. In front of me is a grown woman wearing a brightly coloured tutu and pigtails – my kind of lady.
“Have you done this before? I’m really nervous,” I whisper to her. She is very kind and reassuring that it is super fun, everyone will be lovely, and there is no reason to be nervous. Also, there are people doing this in such overwhelmingly ridiculous, body-restricting costumes, it does enforce the whole ‘this is supposed to be enjoyable’ vibe.
If you’re going to complete a 5km obstacle course and you’ve chosen to wear a full body Tin Man suit, or fleecy Pink Panther onesie, it can’t be that hard, right?
I run with Good Health Choices editor Rachael Russell and sub-editor Maria Hoyle, two very fit people who are also very kind and run at my pace (a wheezingly slow jog/walk) for the entire course.
We run for the first 1km and then the first semi-obstacle occurs: running up and down the bleachers that are built into the course.
It’s all well and good but even as we jog away, I see the Pink Panthers are already falling behind in their thick pink outfits.
I feel for them.
Emma, tackling the obstacle course.
The obstacles then occur with increasing complexity: there are wooden walls to clamber over, nets to climb up, army nets to crawl under… they go on and on.
At one point I see group of tall beams that form a frame over a bridge and cry helplessly, “Surely we don’t have to climb that?”, only to have my running companions point out that it’s actually an artistic structure, not an obstacle.
Phew.
That panic aside, the obstacles become a welcome break from the running, testing out different muscles, and everyone is in great spirits at every stage.
My favourite two obstacles were climbing over the cars – it makes me feel like the rebellious youth I never was – and the maze of hot pink wires you have to work your way through while stepping over tyres.
For the final 20 minutes, I have a real case of ‘Are we there yet?’ and Maria and Rachael (both barely breaking a sweat) are very good at cheering me along. But at one of the final obstacles, I finally lose my nerve.
After climbing up a tall ladder, the only way back is to slide down a Fireman’s Pole and – seeing as it’s been 20 years since I’ve done that – I have a mild meltdown at the top. Part of me wants to just leap into the air and embrace probable death (what can I say, I was in a dramatic frame of mind) but luckily I am coached (and coaxed) onto the pole and end up sliding down, without the Bridget Jones moment I assumed would happen.
After reaching the finish line, my cheeks the exact colour of my burgundy shirt, I am filled with both glee and lactic acid as my calf muscles finally give way.
All of this, and it’s only 10.30am on a Sunday.
My post-race endorphins are matched only by my feelings of deep, deep smugness. And if that’s not worth it, I don’t know what is.
I wear my O Rock label pinned to my t-shirt for the rest of the day with the confidence of a marathon runner, but the halting, cramped stride of a not-very-fit person.
First sporting event: completed!
*Sinead and Emma are the Anything But The Gym girls. Bored with standard workouts, they have begun the hunt for new and fun ways to get fit. Follow their weekly adventures here, and in New Zealand Good Health Choices. If you have a suggestion for something interesting for them to try, email [email protected] with Anything But The Gym in the subject line.
The Anything But The Gym Girls are now on Instagram! Follow them @theanythingbutthegymgirls to keep up with their fitness adventures.*
