Most of us have a “bucket list” – a bunch of stuff we want to tick off before it’s too late. But all too often, things are left unfulfilled. Tash and Triny Bell’s mum Shirley knew her time was short and she completed as many items as possible before she passed away.
Inspired by her brave approach, Mercy Hospice has teamed up with a few well-known faces to help inspire your own list.
Tash and Triny Bell
It’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life and its routines, leaving the things you really want to do to fall further down the to-do list. But for twins Tash and Triny Bell (30), living in the now has never been more important.
It’s been six months since the sisters farewelled their beloved mum Shirley (64), who battled cancer. Tragically, they also lost their dad to a sudden heart attack in 2014.
But in spite of the devastating loss they have faced, they are grateful. The time they got to spend with their mum, helping her to tick a few things off her bucket list, is something they both treasure deeply.
“How do you describe Mum?” Tash sighs as she begins to talk about the “fiercely independent and stoic” Shirley. “She loved bridge, tennis and being a grandma – absolutely besotted, she was,” Tash chuckles.
Shirley was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in December 2010, a cancer of the plasma cells usually occurring in the bone marrow. Despite outliving the doctors’ estimates of her lifespan, her condition went downhill in 2016.
Realising her health was deteriorating, Shirley wanted to start doing the things she had been putting off, Triny recalls. And so began a sort of bucket list.
“We didn’t view it as a bucket list as such but that’s what it ended up as,” says Triny. “It was really, ‘What big or small things did Mum want to do?'”
Tash explains, “Bucket lists don’t have to contain big, extravagant things. For us, it was about creating memories, which is why Triny and I took turns taking Tuesday and Thursday afternoons off work to spend time with Mum.”
Shirley took a trip to the US to visit her eldest daughter Jorja, visited her best friend in Christchurch and her mum’s grave, and took a long-awaited trip to Stewart Island. “She went and did what she could and absolutely loved it,” says Triny.
One of Shirley’s biggest dreams was to visit Africa, but because of the difficulties with travel, she improvised. “Mum was quite impulsive,” Triny laughs. “She’d heard of the Jamala Wildlife Lodge in Canberra – it’s a private zoo that allows you to stay overnight in the exhibits with the animals.
She asked us what we were doing for Queen’s Birthday Weekend and three days later, we were off to Australia!”
Only two weeks after the trip, Shirley was admitted to Mercy Hospice, where Triny and Tash say their mum received incredible support.
“They took good care of all of us. Something Mum still wanted to happen was family dinners, so the staff helped us set up a table with their best china and we put on a lovely lunch.”
Tash adds, “Because Mum was sick for so long, we actually got the chance to prepare. Our relationship grew, we talked to her about her life… she’s even knitted for our future children.”
For Tash and Triny, their journey with their mum has opened their eyes to focusing on their own bucket lists.
Triny says, “Mum and Dad always talked about White Island, so Tash and I booked tickets to go and see it with our partners.”
Tash adds, “People think their parents will always be around, so we are very lucky we got to have that time with Mum.”
John Hart, Former All Black Coach
Do you have a personal connection to Mercy Hospice that inspired you to support this campaign?
I have a strong personal connection to Mercy Hospice having had three members of my immediate family – including my brother and father – cared for and loved by the staff and volunteers there prior to their deaths. I will never forget the kindness and empathy of the nurses and other staff who helped make the most difficult and emotional time for those closest to me so much more comfortable.
Reflecting back, what have you already ticked off your bucket list that has given you the most joy?
I have been fortunate enough to have achieved and enjoyed many special things in my life, particularly in the sporting arena. When I look back, one of the truly memorable things was to be able to play at the Augusta National Golf Course in the US with some of my closest friends. To have coached Auckland and the All Blacks has also given me special memories and experiences.
What’s on your bucket list and why?
It’s not about material things, but about enjoying the company of my friends and family. I want to play more golf around the world and it would make me immensely happy to play at Augusta again with my son and grandson. My bucket list has always included winning the Melbourne Cup with one of the horses my friends and I are involved with. Considering how difficult that is, I remain content knowing I will get lots of fun out of the challenge! At the top of my list is spending healthy, fun times with my loving wife Di, two children Kay and Chris, and watching our grandchildren Jack and Bella grow.
What are you hoping 2018 will bring to you?
At my stage in life, I know that my future years are not guaranteed, so I believe I owe it to my family and friends to live my life with as much energy I can muster. My principal focus on 2018 will be to spend time with my family and friends, and to ensure the New Zealand Men’s Golf Open is the iconic event we aspire it to be.
Lorna Subritzky, Radio Host, Coast
Lorna says time spent with her family (from left), Max, Lucy and Zoe, and husband Steve, has brought her the most joy in life.
What inspired you to support Mercy Hospice’s Bucket List campaign?
I think Mercy Hospice does a phenomenal job providing free support for the terminally ill and their families alike – and as I’ve just turned 50, which has caused me to take stock of my life, I am all about life being for living!
What’s on your bucket list and why?
I’m pretty lucky in that I’ve already ticked off many of my personal and professional goals. I guess my remaining items mainly involve travel to new places. This year, I’m heading to Nepal and I hope to get to Venice before too long. I visited Italy 15 years ago but missed Venice. Since then, I have developed an obsession with Murano art glass and I’d love to visit the glassmakers there. I also want to get back to England – I left there 44 years ago and have never returned! – and take
a cruise around the Greek islands, somewhere I’ve never been. Japan makes the list too. Then there’s Las Vegas. I’m planning a trip for a friend’s 50th birthday in two years’ time and I’m already excited!
Reflecting back, what have you already ticked off your bucket list that has given you the most joy?
That’s a tough one! Getting married to my darling on our favourite beach in Rarotonga with only our children and parents beside us has to be right up there. That day was exquisite from start – a couples’ spa treatment – to finish – a candlelit Champagne dinner for us all on the sand after a spectacular sunset.
What are you hoping that 2018 will bring to you?
Finding peace by putting some negative stuff behind me. Also, good health, new adventures, love and laughter. More time with my beloved family and friends. A fantastic start to my second half-century!
Do you have a message or wish for New Zealanders reading this story?
Life is short – it’s important to always do that which makes you happy.
Alan Whetton, Former All Black
Do you have a personal connection to Mercy Hospice that inspired you to support this campaign?
I am always keen to support Mercy whenever I can. My mother passed away in the care of Mercy, and I will be always grateful for their care and support. It was an emotional time for me and I cannot praise the wonderful staff and atmosphere there enough.
What’s on your bucket list and why?
To travel when time and money allow, as you never know what is around the corner in regards to health.
The Mercy Hospice Bucket List Campaign is all about encouraging people to live in the now and not to put anything off until later. What brings you the most joy in your daily life and what do you wish you spent more time doing?
Getting out of bed with no aches or pains – at this stage – and going to a job I enjoy is a big plus. As my wife is overseas a lot, I am looking to travelling and sharing some experiences with her while we are still mobile and healthy.
What are you hoping 2018 will bring?
That’s always a tough question, but no doubt having a good year at work with my staff and making sure we have some fun along the way – you must mix both together. Then I’ll look forward to taking some time out with my wife, where we just chill out on the beach or by the pool and have a drink at one of our favourite destinations – Bali!
Do you have a message or wish for New Zealanders reading this story?
Do not stress over the little stuff in your daily lives. Leave work at the office, and remember: have some fun on whatever journey your life takes you, as it can all change in the blink of an eye!
Jason Reeves, Radio host, Coast
What’s on your bucket list and why?
I’m really lucky to have ticked a whole bunch of things off it already, but I’m always looking to add things on. Lately, I’ve been thinking how much I’d love to drive the Napier to Taupo road – and several others around New Zealand – in a classic convertible. We drive that road quite often to see family in Hawke’s Bay, but doing it in a convertible that could fit the kids in safely would be quite fun, I reckon!
Reflecting back, what have you already ticked off your bucket list that has given you the most joy?
I always wanted to do a safari in South Africa and not long after meeting my wife, we did that. It was better than I’d ever imagined. For a long time, having kids wasn’t even on my list, but one day I started talking with a few of my mates who were incredible dads. I saw how happy being a father had made them, so I put that on my list of “things to maybe do one day”. Here I am a few years later with an amazing wife, two beautiful boys and our own home. Every day, I’m aware of how lucky I am.
What brings you the most joy in your daily life and what do you wish you spent more time doing?
Eating better! Actually, I wish Louise and I had started having kids earlier. We have a five-year-old, Max, and a two-year-old, Olly, and yes, some days are easier than others, but I’ve never known love or happiness of the kind I’m lucky enough to experience now.
What are you hoping that 2018 will bring to you?
A wee bit more work-life balance. I’ve been working hard on that over the last few years, but I’ve still got a little bit of a workaholic streak. I hope the year brings even more happiness and good health to my loved ones.
Do you have a message or wish for New Zealanders reading this story?
There’s an old saying that I saw on a T-shirt once: “Choose life”. I reckon that’s so true. Don’t be too busy making a living that you forget to make a life. And if you can, help others live theirs to the fullest.
John Rhys-Davies, Actor, The Lord of the Rings
What’s on your bucket list and why?
I am 73 and still working! I’ve always written and I want to see what I have done brought to the printed page and the big screen. I would like to drive some of the
cars that I haven’t yet finished restoring!
Reflecting back, what have you already ticked off your bucket list that has given the most joy?
I live my bucket list almost every day of my life. Waking up, ready and able to work, gives me great joy. Watching my daughter grow and begin to mature is an immense delight. Now all I need is an extra 10 years to pay for her schooling and another 10 to see her settled!
What brings you the most joy in your daily life and what do you wish you spent more time doing?
The work-home balance is always hard to get right. And I should work on spending more time with my children.
0What are you hoping that 2018 will bring to you?
I hope to find the funding for Ancestor, a film script that I have written that will excite, move and make us all realise how lucky we are to be alive.
Do you have a message or wish for New Zealanders reading this story?
The purpose of life is to do better than those who came before us and to prepare our children and our society to better than we have. Love is a very unusual bank account – the more you pay in, the more there is in the account. Make sure you give generously.
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