The season finale of The Real Housewives emotional rollercoaster starts off with Gilda visiting Michelle’s house, where they read excerpts from Angela’s new book “Being Real” .
Top tips from the book include:
“Enjoy the little things.”
“Play your favourite song”
“Pick some flowers”
“Have a hot bath”
So wise
So much wisdom
While we once wondered “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Gilda raises a new philosophical question.
“What if you don’t have a bath in your house, does this mean you are not real?
As the wicked witches of west Auckland are slating her book, Julia and Angela are off antique shopping in Parnell for Michelle’s birthday present.
After considering a Louis Vuitton hat box for a mere $28,000, the ladies opt for two giant gold candlesticks instead.
The girls do a dramatic retelling of the drama from the other night when Angela busted in mid-speeches at Gilda’s book launch, and Michelle ripped into her.
Gossip girl Julia then reveals to Angela that Louise had been calling Michelle the BIGGEST GOLD DIGGER OF ALL behind her back.
MAJOR GOSS
“She’s jealous of you Angela. She’s in her twilight years, pumping herself up with silicon while her career goes down the toilet,” exclaims Julia.
Angela cackles with glee and makes another classic Ang-ism word blunder.
“I would never scoop as low as Louise.”
“Never scoop that low okay?”
“Huh?”
Like two Bond villains they devise a scheme for Michelle’s birthday shindig, with an ominous plan to “put a cat amongst the pigeons”.
“It’s go time”
That evening, Louise and Anne are hosting their very own late night radio show on RadioLive and no one phones in except one grumpy man who says that ladies are out of touch with middle class New Zealanders and they talk a load of rubbish.
“Well, duh.”
“Boy bye”
Finally, the day of Michelle’s birthday bash is upon us.
Michelle, David and their daughter arrive by helicopter (obviously), while Angela turns up with au pair Lea in tow which is apparently a big no-no.
The festivities and cat fights kick off with the girls splitting into two teams, Julia and Angela versus Louise and Gilda.
Angela launches into Louise and accuses her of bitching about her behind her back, while Julia chimes in “yeah!” in the background.
Louise loses her rag at this point and tells Julia to shut up because she has “no f—ing brain”.
She then runs off to Michelle and Gilda to vent about Julia being a little snitch.
Birthday girl Michelle is understandably super pissed off at all the squabbling.
“It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to.”
Gilda tries to sort out the drama, and Angela cuts in with another cracker Ang-ism.
“I think you’ve come in at the wrong end of the stick here Gilda”.
Julia chimes in with some more “yeah yeahs” and Gilda tells her she’s a “f—ing idiot.”
Giving her the death stare to end all death stares, Gilda burns a hole in Julia’s soul with her AK47 eyes, and Julia is reduced to tears.
Amidst all the drama we nearly forgot about beautiful tiny Anne, just minding her own business getting sloshed in a corner.
Finally, it’s presents time, and the girls huddle around Michelle to present their birthday gifts.
Michelle hates her second hand candlesticks, but is stoked with the bazillion dollar Gucci ring from Gilda.
Louise forgot to get her a gift much to Angela’s disgust, so Angela decides to kick the final catfight off as it’s “time for the truth about Louise to finally be revealed.”
“My presence is my present.”
“Yeah, nah.”
“She says you are the biggest gold digger of all, and that once you’ve bled David dry you’ll be off,” reveals sidekick Julia.
“Have you actually said this?” a shocked and devastated Michelle asks Louise.
Betrayed
“Yes I did,” admits Louise.
Sorrynotsorry
Anne chugs her umpteenth glass of champs.
Michelle calls Louise a “f—ing b—-” and storms out, while Angela looks like Christmas just came early.
“Muahahaha”
Just like a beautiful Grinch that saved Christmas, tiny tipsy Anne saves the day by reminding everyone that they all love to spend money.
Michelle and Louise laugh and agree, and patch up their spat.
“Merry Christmas everyone”
A livid Angela then turns her attention to Gilda.
“GILDA YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL”
A very in-control looking Gilda blinks at Angela serenely, while the other girls indignantly shout “What? She’s not out of control!”
“SHE’S JUST ‘BEING REAL’” cackles Anne.
Gilda then launches into action and fires the ultimate zinger at Angela.
“Have another drink you drunken chardonnay wh—e”
ZING
“You’re out of control Gilda.”
“Yeah because I’m standing in front of a drunken beast like you. You’re an idiot.”
Off camera Angela tells us, “She’s never going to like someone like me, I’m everything she’s not.”
0
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
