We thought we’d killed her off. The mythical superwoman who effortlessly juggled board meetings, Bikram yoga, bedtime stories and bleaching the toilet without a hair out of place has over the past few years been roundly dismissed; lambasted as unrealistic, unhealthy and, frankly, undesirable. Or has she?
According to the NEXT Report, superwoman is alive – and kicking us. The quadrennial survey of more than 1000 women nationwide revealed that, compared to previous years, more New Zealand women than ever are struggling under the weight of ‘chasing it all’ syndrome.
A massive 47 per cent believe there are too many expectations on them to be a superwoman, a figure that rises to 60 per cent among females in their 30s.
Professor Annabel Cooper, an expert in gender at the University of Otago, believes that central to the problem is the fact that while there has been progress around equality in the workplace, the same is not true on the home front.
Consequently, even in 2017 when glass ceilings are cracking and a female care worker can take on the government and win a whopping $2 billion pay equity deal, we’re still feeling the daily pressure to cook dinner, wash the dishes and deal with the mountain of dirty socks in the laundry.
“There’s been a lot of movement in equal opportunity in paid work, but very little in equal responsibility for unpaid work,” says Cooper.
“I think it’s because nobody is terribly keen on taking it up; it’s much better to be involved in issues which have public recognition and cultural value attached. Household work has remained predominantly with women – and because it was always undervalued, people think there’s really not much to it.”
Secrets to success
It could follow that being a superwoman is necessary in order to be successful in 2017.
Happily, according to one of the world’s leading authorities on the pursuit of success, having wings is definitely not a requirement. Dr David Keane, the Wellington-based author of The Art of Deliberate Success, suggests that becoming successful is about following what is important to the individual.
“So absolutely someone can be really successful as a woman but not be a superwoman,” says Keane, adding that after 25 years of research, his definition of success is, “being on the pathway to the achievement of worthwhile dreams, whatever they may be.”
“Can a mum at home be as successful as the corporate go-getter? Hell yeah – because they are both on the pathway to what they define as worthwhile.”
However, as a society, it seems we still weave together our responsibilities at home and work to put huge expectations on ourselves to be high achievers.
Almost 40 per cent of the women NEXT spoke to agreed with the statement ‘I’m not a success if I don’t work’.
“Historically it was men who measured themselves by their success in paid work, and women measured it in terms of home and family,” says Cooper.
“But now women are measuring them-selves in terms of success in paid work as well as in home and family, and increasingly appearance too. All these things have started to come in as tougher criteria, and ones women feel measured by more.”
Heaping further pressure on us in New Zealand is our proud history with women’s rights, from universal suffrage to pioneering female leadership.
“It brings its own sense that given all this opportunity, we ought to be just as good,” says Cooper.
And it’s weighing us down. Whether a question of perception or reality, there’s no doubt a huge proportion of New Zealand women are battling a sense of failure.
A worrying 56 per cent of those surveyed in the report are convinced they have not fulfilled their potential in life, a statistic which creeps up to more than three in five among women in their 40s.
“I think it’s partly because the expectation for women to do as well as men has really become quite integrated,” says Cooper. “So we think ‘I have to fit all these things in, as well as kids – and how do I afford a house?’”
Often the demands we put on ourselves are generated by a sense of competition and concern about how people view us. The NEXT Report found that being considered successful by others is important to 36 per cent of us overall – and 49 per cent of those under the age of 34.
Keane suggests social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, have a part to play in this.
“Social media has had an impact on how we view success; it’s a medium where people put their best selves out there,” he says, adding that this prompts many to draw comparisons, and become fixated on how others react to their posts.
“But what other people think of you is none of your business – some of the most successful people I’ve met don’t care what others think of them.”
So how do we realise potential without being overwhelmed?
Keane believes the starting point is defining what is important, ignoring preconceived notions of success, and being clear of what your personal goals are. It’s then about gathering the tools to achieve them – a key one of which is NOT trying to be superwoman.
“People who are really successful do less,” says Keane.
“If a woman is living a busy life, is she actually getting to a good place? Are the things she is doing necessary? And if so, is there someone she could get to do some of it for her?”
Perhaps it’s time for a whole new definition of superwoman. And this one isn’t embarrassed to hire a cleaner, purchase groceries online, let the children watch cartoons and leave the washing basket overflowing.
40 per cent of women agreed with the statement ‘I’m not a success if I don’t work’
How to achieve your potential
Dr David Keane believes there are three main reasons we don’t achieve our full potential, all of which can be overcome:
1 Not defining success. Go beyond the superficial or the vague and define what your worthwhile dreams are. And don’t confuse happiness with success – happiness is an emotional state that depends on what you had for lunch earlier; success comes with being on the right pathway.
2 Having a lack of success tools. Success is not a matter of luck, it is deliberate and you can acquire the tools to ensure success. For example, learn to eliminate – do less, better.
3 Not making the process ongoing. Success is a learned skill, and like all skills it must be practised to get better; most people improve over time. You don’t say ‘I brushed my teeth in January so I don’t need to do it again’ and the same is true of the skills needed to be successful.
What does success mean to you?
• “I want my children to see me as a success in my career and a great role model. I want them to see if you work hard, you can succeed.” – 40-44, Otago/Southland
• “Living a fulfilling life feeling I have reached my possible potential.” – 65-69, Auckland
• “As a mum, success is having a great work/life balance and not feeling overwhelmed.” – 40-44, Wellington
• “Achieving your own aspirations and having others verify you have been successful.” – 65-69, Wellington
• “It means going to bed at night knowing I did the best I could with what I had that day.” – 35-39, Waikato Bays
• “Money and work do play a part in it – without work, there is less money; less money equals more stress and more debt.” – 30-34, Canterbury
• “Financial security, good friendships and a feeling of general contentment and balance in my life.” – 50-54, Manawatu/Wanganui
• “Recognition, importance and income; I measure it against men in similar roles.” – 35-39, Waikato Bays
Words: Cath Bennett
